Transformers' shape-shifts into noise, nonsense

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A joyless cacophony, an insistent and seemingly endless onslaught, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," director Michael Bay's follow-up to the 2007 smash "Transformers" plays more like a parody of a Bay movie.

You name it, it gets shot up, blown up or otherwise obliterated in a massive fiery ball, from suburban homes and cars to aircraft carriers and even an Egyptian pyramid. Along the way, our sense of sanity and humanity also get destroyed, as we feel as if we are being held captive by these walking, talking, shape-shifting robots — both the good guys and the bad.

The Autobots and Decepticons aren't the only ones assaulting us in their epic battle: Regular people are just as obnoxious — probably more so — with their nonstop yelling and yammering. Everyone is overcaffeinated, everyone screams their lines, perhaps so they can hear each other over the explosions and the thunderous score.

Who knows, and more importantly, who cares? It is impossible to become emotionally invested in the Transformers, cool-looking as they may be when the movie settles down for a rare moment (the work of the venerable Industrial Light & Magic), because it's impossible to tell who's doing what to whom. It's all one messy amalgamation of twisted steel and shattered glass, accompanied by generic crunching and shrieking sounds. The only robots with any discernible personality traits, aside from bravery or antagonism, are the Autobot twins, Mudflap and Skids. These are shockingly crass and unfortunate black stereotypes, jive-talking fools who can't read and bumble their way from one mishap to the next. They are Jar Jar Binks in car form.

After only an hour, it all feels boring and numbingly repetitive, and one glance and the watch tells you you've got another solid hour and a half to go.

What's that, you say? You want to know what the "Transformers" sequel is about? How quaint. Basically, it follows the further adventures of plucky, young Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf, seriously straining his likability), who is yet again stuck in the middle of the eternal fight between the noble Autobots and the evil Decepticons.

The mythology is much more dense than that, though, as we learn from several self-serious, expository speeches delivered by Autobot leader Optimus Prime (voiced as always by Peter Cullen), Decepticon leader Megatron (Hugo Weaving) — oh yes, he's back — and the elderly Brit, Jetfire (Mark Ryan). Something about millennia of history and oppression, and capturing the energy of the sun. (Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman returned to write the script, along with Ehren Kruger, inspired by the Hasbro Transformer toys and the animated '80s TV show.)

Megan Fox is also back as Sam's impossibly hot girlfriend, Mikaela, with whom he hopes to maintain a long-distance relationship as he heads off to college. (The first time we see her, it's from behind in a pair a Daisy Duke shorts as she's bent over a motorcycle seat; this, and running across the desert while maintaining perfect lip gloss, are all she's asked to do.) Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson also provide eye candy as commanders of a secret team that works alongside the Autobots to hunt down any remaining Decepticons; this requires them to look hot in camouflage as they squint pensively into the sunset.

Laughs are unusual in this brawny endeavor, but if anyone gets them, it's John Turturro as a former secret agent who gets hauled back into the fray. You'll feel as if you've been dragged in, too.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," a DreamWorks and Paramount Pictures release, is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material. Running time: 150 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.

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Motion Picture Association of America rating definitions:

G — General audiences. All ages admitted.

PG — Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.

PG-13 — Special parental guidance strongly suggested for children under 13. Some material may be inappropriate for young children.

R — Restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

NC-17 — No one under 17 admitted.

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Air France Crash Photos

The world saw the disappearance of an A330 Air Frane during its trans Atlantic flight between Rio to Paris .

Here are two shots taken inside the plane before it crashed.

The two photos attached were taken by one of the passengers before the aircraft crashed. This extraordinary photographer kept his cool, even in his last moments of life, to take these photos. The photos were retrieved from the camera's memory stick. You will never again see photos like this.
In the first photo, there is a gaping hole in the fuselage through which you can see the tailplane and a vertical fin of the aircraft.


In the second photo, one of the passengers is seen being sucked out of the gaping hole.

The photos were found in a digital Casio Z750, amidst the debris. Although the camera was destroyed, the Memory Stick was recovered. Investigating the serial number of the camera, the owner was identified as Paulo G. Muller, an actor of a theatre for children known in the outskirts of Porto Alegre .. It can be imagined that he was standing during the turbulence, he managed to take these photos, just seconds after the tail loss and the aircraft plunged. The structural stress probably ripped the engines away, diminishing the falling speed, protecting the electronic equipment but unfortunately not the victims. Paulo Muller leaves behind two daughters, Bruna and Beatriz.

Paris Hilton brings her reality show to Dubai

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – Paris Hilton said she studied the culture of Dubai and promised the Middle East version of her reality show will steer clear of the drinking and the swearing it had in Los Angeles and London.

The remarks came as Hilton, 28, launched the Mideast edition of her "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" series in Dubai, a glitzy sheikdom in the United Arab Emirates. BFF stands for best friends forever.

"I wanted to know everything about this place first because I wanted to make sure everything was OK," the hotel heiress was quoted as saying by The National newspaper Thursday. "I just want to respect everyone here."

The fame-loving Hilton promised to dress conservatively and said her Dubai-based MTV series will be open to women only. There will be no finger pointing and laughing at anybody, the show's producers said.

"I expect to learn a lot here. It's a completely different world," Hilton also said.

Twenty-two contestants will try their best to become Hilton's new BFF in the 20 days she will spend in the Emirates. No air date has yet been set for the Mideast show.

When not filming her reality show, intended for broadcast throughout the Arab region, Hilton will explore the desert, go camel riding, get a henna tattoo and go skiing on Dubai's famed artificial ski slope inside a shopping mall.

The show's producer Michael Hirschorn said that the filming will last some three weeks, while the finale will be filmed in Los Angeles. The plan is to build "My New BFF" into a global franchise, with Hilton searching for BFFs around the world.

Hilton previously filmed two seasons in Los Angeles for MTV and one in London for British television.

Contestants were competing fiercely for the title in the U.K. and the U.S. versions of the show. They drank alcohol and used foul language and tactics to earn it — something producers said will not be allowed in Dubai.

Bruno nudity stunt on Eminem's face was staged!

In an instance of live-television being too good to be true, it turns out the Bruno-Eminem feud hatched Sunday night at the MTV Movie Awards was staged, according to Scott Aukerman, Andy Samberg's head writer for the show.

"Yes, the Bruno/Eminem incident was staged. That’s all anyone wants to talk about, so let’s get it out of the way. They rehearsed it at dress and yes, it went as far as it did on the live show then," wrote Auckerman on his blog.

Eminem, who lost his mind when Bruno, Sacha Baron Cohen dressed as his flamboyant Austrian alter-ego and resplendent in thigh-high white boots and crotchless underwear, came down on a harness to land -- rear first -- on the angry Relapse rapper's cheek and lips.

To see the clip, please click here.

Lest we forget -- and believe me, like many, I did -- Eminem is also an actor, who worked with the great Curtis Hanson on the film 8 Mile. Casting-wise, Eminem was the perfect choice for Baron Cohen. After all, Eminem has a history of entirely disproportionate responses to silly, awards show stunts. (He's already feuded with N'Sync, Moby, Christina Aguilera and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog).

Alas, even if the stunt, like much of Sacha Baron Cohen's brilliant work on Borat, was staged (and that film was expertly scripted), it was just another example of how good his work is. He made a boring telecast seem lively, and brought Eminem back into the public eye. Bruno, no doubt, will be this summer's sexiest film. We just have to be a little more skeptical if we see him back into the angry mouth of a white Eminem.